My wee mum was rushed into hospital tonight and IV never felt so helpless or lonely in my life

i  

My wee mum was rushed to hospital tonight after taking a seizure and through  this journey iv never felt so helpless, lost and scared and I have been all them  many time over the last four years .I called the doctor out this afternoon as I was becoming concerned about she was and was told, she is ok its how the dementia is affecting her at this stage, I should have been stronger as I have spent every day and night caring for my mum over the last years but I was just  happy to be told she was ok even though in my heart I felt something had changed after my mums bath I got her comfy and was making her a wee cup of tea and  as I walked to her room she was having a seizure and it was dreadful to see the fear in my mums  eyes and feel so unprepared and helpless I called an ambulance and I am thankful for their speed ,calmness and professionalism as I was falling apart and every  emotion I have felt over the years was multiplied beyond description ,we got to the hospital and they acted swiftly and have got my mum comfy and stable and are monitoring her to find the cause ,and I am happy to say she is doing better at this point although she will be staying in to find out what exactly happened ,I cant describe how I felt leaving that hospital tonight without bringing my mum home  and this house that feels so lonely so often has never felt as lonely as it does Just now .There are so many questions in my head about me about my mum about all that  has happened that I will not sleep tonight and miss her smile and being here .but she is comfortable and has color back in her cheeks and is as settled as can be . and I just want to get her home to her house with her son as soon as possible ,I am  lost without my wee best pal my wonderful wee mum and will be up first thing to see and comfort her .i have to say thanks  to the doctors and nurses who listened in great detail about all my mums needs and how best to make her understand ,maybe if the doctor listened to my opinion at home  today instead of  just telling me hers  then this may well have been avoided .I go to bed with a lonely tearful heart and send  thanks to my cousin Agnes and her daughter Tracy for coming to the hospital to comfort and sit with me and take some of the loneliness and helplessness away  

Tommy